Bill Snyder Laughed SO Hard…: The Roman Candle Nipple Incident

Good day, boys and girls.

I hope you all had a fantastic Fourth of July, and that there was at least one non-serious, yet humorous, fireworks injury you all witnessed that can be told over drunken campfires for years and years to come. I had such an incident in high school.

My buddy lived by a river and we decided to have a fireworks war on one of its sandbars. Well, preceding the epic battle, my other buddy accidentally bulls-eye’d my right nipple with a roman candle from 20 feet away.

True story.

The legend goes that the roman candle ball “stuck” to my nipple for a good 10 seconds, before all the flesh that was left to burn had been consumed. I calmly sat down my Mountain Dew and jumped in the river. Granted, the next day and days later it looked like a charred, solid Iron-Man-esque circle was misplaced on my torso, but you better believe I fought the good fight in the fireworks war hours after the incident.

That was over a decade ago, but for those lucky enough to see my right nipple up close and personal, the scar is still visible. Yes, ladies, I technically have a third nipple area.

Anyway, on to this week’s BSLSH…

• How about K-State’s Erik Kynard, eh? He made Team USA in the high-jump and is the first active K-Stater to make an Olympic team since Nathan Leeper did so in the 2000 Sydney Games. Leeper was also a high-jumper. Kynard is officially the coolest person in Manhattan.
• Speaking of cool people, how about the man behind K-State track and field… head coach Cliff Rovelto? He not only trains Kynard, but is also the coach of the other two members of the Team USA high jump team, Jessie Williams and Jamie Nieto – both professionals. KSU has a reputation in the track and field circles as being “High Jump U” and Rovelto is a big reason for that. It’s extremely rare that all three athletes who make an Olympic team share the same trainer – and even Rovelto, who is normally excruciatingly humble – admitted to me last week that he didn’t recall another instance of that happening in his 20-plus years of being in the track and field scene.
• I watched WWE “Raw” the other night with one of my friends, who is a major, major fan. I learned a lot.
• Seriously, though… Rovelto is the real deal. He may be the most successful – and most internationally respected – head coach in K-State history who isn’t named “Bill Snyder”.
• Well, Anderson Cooper is gay. In other shocking news, Kim Kardashian is famous because her family is rich and she banged Ray J on the internet, chicks dig “Magic Mike”, Willie the Wildcat is actually a student, and peanut butter and jelly have the makings to combine for an easy on-the-go sandwich.
• There was way, way, way too much Ray J, and not near enough Kim K in that one. It’s sad to say, but I’m afraid if Ray J’s, uh… “private parts” left his body and committed a crime, there’s a good chance the millions of us that have seen the video can draw a composite sketch of what the perpetrator looks like.
• Hey, Lebron James is a champion now! It’s like he’s a whole different person now! (Cleveland disagrees.)
• Am I the only person that thought the KU basketball marijuana bust was the most ridiculous thing ever reported? Wow… college kids smoke pot. What a huge piece of “breaking news”. Next they are going to tell me Anderson Cooper is gay.
• What the hell has happened to The History Channel? What’s “historic” about some hillbilly shooting an alligator in the face?
• Alligators are pro-gun control. Which is historic, because they used to be anti-gun control during the Civil War. Also, they are aliens.
• So, Michael Beasley is a Phoenix Sun, now? I sincerely hope that works out for him, but if he wants to take a break from the astute life advice he gets from Spongebob Squarepants, I know a K-State high-jumper that can throw down some real tips for being a one-of-a-kind athlete.
• The WWE taught me it’s never good to ask out the other wrestler’s girlfriend. I will never ask out another wrestler’s girlfriend, nor a girl wrestler’s girlfriend.
• When will Sean Hannity announce he’s gay?
• If you haven’t seen Texas A&M’s “SEC welcome” video, do yourself a favor and check it out. I’m confident Octomom’s decision to do porn was more inspired and in more professional taste.

And that’s what’s making Bill Snyder laugh SO hard this week, my friends. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a high school buddy to track down and a roman candle to purchase.

See ya next week!