Once again, Kansas State is finding new reasons to lay claim to the mantle of greatest university in the land. What’s the institution done this time? Only opted to serve up the greatest enticement in school history: students showing up for the team’s home opener will be given free bacon. That’s right, free bacon, just for being entreated to a great game of basketball.
How big is this deal? About the size of Kansas State’s starting center B.J. Finney. Seriously – Finney, who tips the scales at 303 pounds, would be balanced by the 300 pounds of delicious pork belly Kansas State plans to hand out Friday night. (Apparently the University originally planned on handing out just 100 pounds, but once this deal hit the Twitter, well, I can’t think of anything that deserves going viral more than this.)
How will the bacon be served? Oh, this is where the promotion transitions from great idea to true art: students will actually receive a boat of bacon. A paper boat! Filled to the top with bacon! It’s like heaven in Manhattan.
To understand how truly amazing this is, though, we need some poundage perspective. Kansas State athletics spokesman Randy Peterson told ESPN.com that he expects about 750 students will attend the game. I own a calculator, got my sister to show me how to use it, and divided 750 students by 300 damn pounds of bacon, and you know what that came out to? 2.5 pounds of bacon per student! Now, there’s a chance a paper container boat may not hold the number of slices required to get to 2.5 pounds of beautifully cured pork belly, but why rain on anyone’s parade? These could be the cargo shipping vessels of the paper boat, fully equipped to hold up to three pounds of bacon (probably not though). What I’m trying to say is, if you’ve got yourself a valid student I.D., you better get your (soon to be huge) hinney over to Bramlage on Friday night and the season opener against Tennessee State.
As far as the team is concerned, the Lady Wildcats had a rough go of their 2012-13 season, losing several players over the course of the year to injuries. Yet armed with just seven eligible players, K-State still made a solid push late into the Big 12 season with a commendable performance in the Big 12 tournament before Brittney Griner single-handedly dismembered the team. K-State then ran through Region 2 of the WNIT, capped by a 66-48 dismantlement of Illinois in the Elite Eight. However, their lack of depth was exposed against Utah in a Final Four bout that went into overtime to end the season.
K-State is looking to bounce back in 2013 despite losing do-everything guard Brittany Chambers, who was drafted 22nd overall (2nd round) by the Los Angeles Sparks in the 2013 WNBA Draft. Kelly Thomson and Katya Leick both tore ACLs in the preseason and were not able to contribute to the team, but will be back this season. Additionally, K-State held its own on the boards but was clearly outmatched in multiple games due to height disadvantages last year. That shouldn’t be the case with the additions of 6-foot-3 forwards Erica Young and Jessica Sheble, along with 6-5 Breanna Lewis. And while the incoming players may have some growing pains early in the year, they should be ready to make some serious contributions once conference play hits.
Check out this video ESPNW’s take on the story (I mostly find ESPNW to be a condescending approach to women’s sports, but we can all accept that the important aspect of this story isn’t so much the basketball and more the boats of bacon that will be floating around the arena):